im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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