Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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