Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize