You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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