just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize