Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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