Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
