Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
