And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm like, not good at living.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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