I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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