Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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