Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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