My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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