I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
