P.S. I can't hear my feet
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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