bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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