Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
