So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
