Non-Jews are for practice
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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