Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
