Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
