You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
