I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
