I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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