My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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