we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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