I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
