my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
