oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
