ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
