I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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