I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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