so that wasnt chicken after all
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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