I seem to have left my pride at pride
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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