I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
