I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
