I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
