We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
