Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
