Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
