haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Can Purell be used as lube?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
