whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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