I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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