just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
