So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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