# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
