Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
