I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
