he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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