first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
