Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
