why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
