Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
