All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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