We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
