Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize