you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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