so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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