You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize