You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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