Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
