i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He felt like a one man threesome
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
