he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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